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‘Not with your sister in the next room.’ ‘I know. I wasn’t thinking of that. I was just thinking of how happy I am to have you here with me.’ Great. It was a blessing and a curse. The relationship would fall apart within days if I kept thinking about how bad it was that it was so good. ‘What’s wrong?’ ‘Nothing,’ I lied. ‘I can feel it. Your body tensed up in a something’s-wrong way.’ ‘You can’t possibly tell that just from holding me.’ But I knew he could. So I told him about my conversation with Sandy and my fears. ‘It’s a triumph of hope over reason. I’ve never been seriously hurt by someone I trust. If it happens, I won’t be a virgin anymore. I’ll learn to deal with it. I just won’t have my innocence intact.’ And that was it. My body relaxed and he chuckled, his point confirmed. He would learn to deal with it. He would be okay. I would try to avoid it, but it didn’t have to drain all my energy. We walked around the campus. We had coffee at the Student Union even though it was. Because of her busy schedule, we ended up going shopping for my firstsuit in the actual morning of my birthday. The name of the stores, or howmany we visited is not important, what's important is the fact that thesame thing happened in all of them.We would go into the men's store, a salesman would approach us, mom wouldtell him we were looking for a suit for me along with shirt, tie, beltand shoes. He would ask for my size, I would say I didn't know it and hewould say it was ok. Then he would ask us to wait a minute and come backwith a bunch of clothes in hangers. I would go into a dressing room, trythem on, then come out for my mother to see. She would give me adisappointing look and ask the salesman what he could do about it, theywould talk about my frame, the cut of the clothes and adjustments thatcould be made by a tailor in order for the suits to fit my body properly.But then when she asked them if it could be done by that night they wouldall either say it was impossible or it.
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